The Success Delusion, or Why we Resist Change
We
We
- Overestimate our contribution to a project
- Take credit, partial or complete, for successes that truly belong to others
- Have an elevated opinion of our professional skills and our standing among our peers
- Conveniently ignore the costly failures and time consuming dead ends we have created
- Exaggerate our project's impact on net profits because we discount the real and hidden costs built into them
But our delusions become a serious liability when we need to change
Four key beliefs help us become successful. Each can make it tough for us to change. And that's the paradox of success: The beliefs that carried us here may be holding us back in our quest to go there.
Belief : I have succeeded
Successful people believe in their skills and talent.
Belief 2: I Can Succeed
I am confident that I can succeed. Successful people believe that they have the capability within themselves to make desirable things happen.
The challenge is to make them see that sometimes they are successful in spite of their behaviour.
Belief 3: I Will Succeed
I have the motivation to succeed.
Over commitment can be as serious an obstacle to change as believing that you don't need fixing or that your flaws are part of the reason your're successful.
Belief 4: I Choose to Succeed
When we do what we choose to do, we are committed. When we do what we have to do, we are compliant.
The more we believe that our behavior is a result of our own choices and commitments, the less likely we are to want to change our behaviour.
Cognitive dissonance - It refers to the disconnect between what we believe in our minds and what we experience or see in reality. The underling theory is simple. The more we are committed to believing that something is true, the less likely we are to believe that its opposite is true, even in the face of clear evidence that shows we are wrong.
Almost every one I meet is successful because of doing a lot of things right, and almost every one I meet is successful in spite fo some behavior that defies common sense.
Their success has showered them with positive reinforcement. so they feel it's smart to continue doing what they've always done.
If there's any art to what I do maybe it happens at the decisive moment when I discover someone's hot bottom.
The Twenty Habits that hold you back from the top
The higher up you go in the organisation, the more you need to make other people winners and not make it about winning yourself.
Trouble is candor can easily become a weapon. People permit themselves to issue destructive comments under the excuses that they are true. The question is not "Is it true?" but rather "Is it worth it?"
The interesting thing about not listening is that for the most part it's a silent invisible activity. People rarely notice you ding it.
When you find yourself mentally oor literally drumming your fingers while someone else is talking. stop the drumming. Stop demonstrating impatience when listening to someone.
When somebody makes a suggestion or gives you ideas. your're either going to learn more or learn nothing. So thank them for trying to help.
Gratitude is a skill that we can never display too often. Gratitude is not a limited resource nor is it costly.
The first is assessing the situation, the second is isolating the problem, the third is formulating 4 woo up to get your superiors to approve 5 you woo laterally to get your peers to agree 6 you woo down to get your direct reports to accept 7 implement
Listening
Is it worth it? engages you in thinnking beyon the discussion to consider
a. how the oher person regards you
b. what that person will do afteerwords
c how that person will behave the next time you talk.
Belief 2: I Can Succeed
I am confident that I can succeed. Successful people believe that they have the capability within themselves to make desirable things happen.
The challenge is to make them see that sometimes they are successful in spite of their behaviour.
Belief 3: I Will Succeed
I have the motivation to succeed.
Over commitment can be as serious an obstacle to change as believing that you don't need fixing or that your flaws are part of the reason your're successful.
Belief 4: I Choose to Succeed
When we do what we choose to do, we are committed. When we do what we have to do, we are compliant.
The more we believe that our behavior is a result of our own choices and commitments, the less likely we are to want to change our behaviour.
Cognitive dissonance - It refers to the disconnect between what we believe in our minds and what we experience or see in reality. The underling theory is simple. The more we are committed to believing that something is true, the less likely we are to believe that its opposite is true, even in the face of clear evidence that shows we are wrong.
Almost every one I meet is successful because of doing a lot of things right, and almost every one I meet is successful in spite fo some behavior that defies common sense.
Their success has showered them with positive reinforcement. so they feel it's smart to continue doing what they've always done.
If there's any art to what I do maybe it happens at the decisive moment when I discover someone's hot bottom.
The Twenty Habits that hold you back from the top
- Winning too much: The need to win at all costs and in all situations – when it matters, when it doesn’t, and when it’s totally beside the point.
- Adding too much value: The overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every discussion.
- Passing judgement: The need to rate others and impose our standards on them.
- Making destructive comments: The needless sarcasms and cutting remarks that we think make us sound sharp and witty.
- Starting with “No,” “But,” or “However”: The overuse of these negative qualifiers which secretly say to everyone, “I’m right. You’re wrong.”
- Telling the world how smart we are: The need to show people we’re smarter than we think we are.
- Speaking when angry: Using emotional volatility as a management tool.
- Negativity, or “Let me explain why they won’t work”: The need to share our negative thoughts even when we weren’t asked.
- Withholding information: The refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage over others.
- Failure to give proper recognition: The inability to praise and reward.
- Claiming credit that we don’t deserve: The most annoying way to overestimate our contribution to any success.
- Making excuses: The need to reposition our annoying behavior as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for it.
- Clinging to the past: The need to deflect blame away from ourselves and onto events and people from our past; a subset of blaming everyone else.
- Playing favorites: Failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly.
- Refusing to express regret: The inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit we’re wrong, or recognize how our actions affect others.
- Not listening: The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues.
- Failing to express gratitude: The most basic form of bad manners.
- Punishing the messenger: The misguided need to attack the innocent who are usually only trying to help us.
- Passing the buck: The need to blame everyone but ourselves.
- An excessive need to be “me”: Exalting our faults as virtues simply because they’re who we are.
The higher up you go in the organisation, the more you need to make other people winners and not make it about winning yourself.
Trouble is candor can easily become a weapon. People permit themselves to issue destructive comments under the excuses that they are true. The question is not "Is it true?" but rather "Is it worth it?"
The interesting thing about not listening is that for the most part it's a silent invisible activity. People rarely notice you ding it.
When you find yourself mentally oor literally drumming your fingers while someone else is talking. stop the drumming. Stop demonstrating impatience when listening to someone.
When somebody makes a suggestion or gives you ideas. your're either going to learn more or learn nothing. So thank them for trying to help.
Gratitude is a skill that we can never display too often. Gratitude is not a limited resource nor is it costly.
The first is assessing the situation, the second is isolating the problem, the third is formulating 4 woo up to get your superiors to approve 5 you woo laterally to get your peers to agree 6 you woo down to get your direct reports to accept 7 implement
Listening
Is it worth it? engages you in thinnking beyon the discussion to consider
a. how the oher person regards you
b. what that person will do afteerwords
c how that person will behave the next time you talk.
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